My good friend, Red Wine, as she’d prefer to be called, was having one of those days last month. You know, the days when your heart is so broken that you go incognito to search how to forget someone, how to stop the tears from falling, but still end up crying in a matatu from Juja to town, and you almost even call your strict mom to vent.
Obviously I couldn’t think of the right thing to tell her in that moment so I went for the old but reliable “he didn’t deserve you” phrase. In order not to fail all womanhood, I had to throw in the “men are trash” one too. Proud of how I had “handled” the situation I called my other girlfriends to come cheer her up a little.
A few weeks later, I met her and we laughed about the incident. She told me how hard we are on ourselves though, by saying things like ” mi siwezi clown, kwani sijiheshimu, you’re better than this, you need to boss up, cry for three minutes maximum and do other things.
It sounds like good advice, and yes, there’s always better things to do especially in our 20s. The thing is, you could be the smartest, kindest, prettiest person out there, and that still wouldn’t mean that your stuff won’t be messed up. No one ever gets into anything hoping for a bad ending. Having your guard up and always being in constant fear of what or when something could go wrong only kills your joy.
Nothing is perfect, and when this becomes a reality, I hope you have the courage to handle it like a human being. Cry your eyes out honey, as long as you need to, until you’re okay. Sing those sad songs, be sad, feel and process your pain. Sometimes weakness Is a sign of strength. Accept your situation if you’re to move past it. It’s gangster. It’s okay. It’s human.
In the same energy, do not wallow in self pity. Get out of your own way and claim your happiness. Rejection does not mean you suck. Chase the things you think you don’t deserve. The universe might surprise you, you know why? Because you’re only as good as you think you are.
Behind The Unspoken 